I was ten when I first saw you. A child with pretty eyes, cute nose, and beaming smile. At such age, you were my example of perfection. A modern prince breathed into life.

I watched you grow from a mischievous elf to a charming prince. I’ve seen you tumble, fall, and snore. I smiled at your silly pranks and laughed with your naughty jokes. We even played together like young lovers in the meadow. You held me, and I clung to you. It was simply a fairy tale made true.

As we got closer and closer through the years, I struggled to control my feelings. Your daring moves brought me fear of intimacy. I panicked when you sat beside me, and frenzied when you touched my hands. The thought that I might have read wrong messages from your actions. The fear that you were just playing one of your foolish games. The too-good-to-be-true feeling through the good times. It all formed a labyrinth in my mind. I was circling the dark alleys like a crazy mouse. A whirling motion dizzied me, until it came to a sudden stop. Everything I held most dearly seeped through my hands.

You got busy with your affairs, and I with my own. And I saw it coming. Two shadows parted like birds freeing from an imaginary captivity.

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I wanted to tell you how I felt before. But every time I tried, my tongue tangled like a knot. You once said you liked me more than just a friend. And so I waited for you to say the definite words that will conclude it all. I am still waiting, in fact. Waiting when you will tire out chasing damsels and having dirty fun. I don’t care how much you drink and smoke. I will accept you with my welcoming arms because I know just the comfort you need.

I will wait until you realize that it is only in my arms that you fit best. I will wait until that day when you see how badly I am bleeding. Until you know how much I need someone to cover and heal the wound you lashed in my heart.

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For sure, you will cause me countless heart breaks and aches. In every love affair, probably I will be crying a minute or two. But I will not lose hope. I will be praying that you be my first, and I, your last.

I hope you will have the chance to read this. But then, you may not know this is meant for you. Someday you will. But now, I think I will be contented with hurting and longing from that lost love that I never really had.

It has been four years now since I last glimpsed at your beautiful face. For me, you are still the most beautiful being I have ever set eyes on. And you will stay in my heart as my first love. My "gugmang giatay"!